


the question (trilogy)

by charming_syrai



Series: Some Origins Of Fire Series [1]
Category: X-Men (post X3), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Non-Canon Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-31 18:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charming_syrai/pseuds/charming_syrai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>post X3 | <i>How can you tell your daughter it was a mistake, but the kind you'd do all over again if you had to choose?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the question

**Author's Note:**

>   
> **PROMPT:** 015 question
> 
>  

It starts with a simple question.

 

"Mom? Why did Dad leave?"

 

Yeah, it starts with a simple question, asked by your 6 year old daughter, who's sitting at the table with a bowl of strawberry ice cream placed in front of her. You on the other hand have bent down to empty the dishwasher, but when the soft words reach your ears, your hands still and you turn around to face her. She's looking at you packed with the kind of innocence only someone so young can possess and for a moment your mind hits pause - it's her eyes. They're exact copies of her father's in every sense of the phrase and sometimes, like now, it extracts a sigh from your parted lips.

 

Why _did_ he leave? Funny. You've been wondering the same for the past 6 years.

 

Only, whereas she has no clue, you do.

 

"It's complicated, hon. Eat your ice cream," you say, trying to smile and turn back to your chore before she can detect the hint of sadness in your eyes. To your huge annoyance she's a master when it comes to picking up things like that - subtle hints, shelled emotions - and you know from experience she won't let go until her curiosity is satisfied and right now, you can't handle that. Truthfully, you can never handle it, unless she's curious about unicorns and flowers or nice stuff like that. When she's curious about babies and male anatomy, that's when you usually feel you're on thin ice and about to fall through.

 

It's complicated, all right. And it's ugly and stupid and definitely something you would rather keep buried in the past, hidden. She doesn't need to know. She's too young to know. She's too innocent to know.

 

But the truth is... it's not that. She's _his_ daughter and that's the only reason she doesn't need to know.

 

How can you tell your daughter it was a mistake, but the kind you'd do all over again if you had to choose? How can you look you into those beautiful eyes and tell her that you _know_ he left because he doesn't believe in the same things you do?

 

In fact, his ideal world would be the exact opposite of yours.

 

"Elise has a dad," she points out matter-of-factly while eating a spoonful.

 

Your hand shakes ever so slightly when you reach for the final plate, pull it out and place it on the shelf in line with your eyes and then, turn around. How can it be that something so small can find a way to drain your energy in only a matter of seconds? On second thought, look who's talking. Before the Cure you could do it too, couldn't you? For the millionth time you're grateful for the fact she didn't inherit your mutation... she got his.

 

You found out a few months ago when the curtains suddenly caught fire.

 

"Yeah, I know she does," you say, blinking, because that's the only thing you can say. You've always known this topic would be brought up eventually but you always thought she'd be older and that you could sit down with her and talk it through, woman to woman. It's not the time.

 

Then again, it never will be if you have your way. If there's any way you can protect her from the things he did then that's what you're gonna do. Fine, you're not stupid, you know that eventually she'll have to face your past and his. Eventually she'll suffer for the things you've done, but not yet.

 

"He hasn't left," she says then as stubbornly as always, and you bring your hand up to massage the side of your very tensed neck. You close your eyes for a second and sigh - again - and then, slowly force your eyes open.

 

What could you possibly say to that?

 

"Shelby, honestly, eat your ice cream," you repeat tiredly, leaning against the counter behind your back, "Bobby is gonna be here any minute now."

 

She makes a face, shoulders collapsing. Then, "Do I have to go?"

 

"Yes," you reply and this time the smile on your lips isn't forced. She loves spending time with Bobby and Jubilee and their kids whenever it's possible, but like a true little girl, this Friday she's decided to be difficult. You'd guess it's because she's not satisfied by your answers and she's punishing you.

 

Just like her father.

 

"He doesn't like Dad," Shelby continues, completely oblivious to the painful thoughts raging within your soul, "He _hates_ Dad."

 

You snort. That's the understatement of the year, but again, not something she needs to know.

 

"No, that's not true," you lie - whoever said lying to your kids to protect them isn't smart was obviously someone with no children, "He doesn't hate Dad. They just never really got along," you explain and stop to think, "Kinda like you and that Jessie girl, you know? You're constantly getting into fights at school, which by the way, has to stop."

 

This time it's Shelby looking pensive. So pensive, in fact, that she ends up scratching an itch next to her nose with the spoon and leaving a trail of ice cream in its wake, but before you have time to mention it, she throws another question into the air - "Do I look like him?" she asks and your heart skips a beat while your fingers wrap around the counter's edge to keep you from faltering.

 

Oh gods. "Yes," you breathe in, "honey, you do." Breathe out. And again. If your voice actually worked right now, you'd tell her she's got his eyes and the hair color, and the damned attitude and the _gift_ that always meant the most to him.

 

She tilts her head the way her father always did and narrows her eyes. One doesn't have to be a genius to know there's another question trying to find its way out of her head.

 

"Bobby was talking with Jubilee one day and he said that Dad's 'a stupid fuck'," she rambles on, completely innocent and you gasp for air, no words coming out.

 

"What does that mean?" She prompts at the same time as you finally manage to shriek, horrified, "Shelby!"

 

"Bobby said it first!" She hurries to her own defense, a discontent frown wrinkling her features and you make a mental note to bitchslap that stupid assface to hell and back.

 

"Yeah, well," you speak, but through gritted teeth - you might sound much calmer now, but it's not how you're feeling inside, "what have I told you about repeating that kind of stupid stuff?"

 

She rolls her eyes, knowing the answer, but refusing to voice it, "But what does it mean?"

 

What indeed... violence, pain, wrath. You gape, though obviously, it's not her fault your friends are idiots. "It means I'll kick his sorry little ass when he gets here," you hiss, "Now eat!"

 

Probably realizing the sudden change in your mood isn't a good sign, she gives with a shrug and returns to her ice cream.

 

There's a long pause, during which you simply stand there, gripping the counter and staring at your daughter, trying to will your strength back.

 

Finally the silence is broken, though, and you can almost guess the next question before it slips through the pink lips.

 

"Mom?" She whispers, glancing up and your heart breaks, "Does he know about me?"

 

It starts with a simple question. You can see him in front of you, fingers raking through the blond curls and hear his words in your ears as loudly as he was there, next to you.

 

_So, you're telling me_ , he snorts inside your head, _that just because I fucked you - once - you're knocked up?_

 

And you can hear yourself saying, _well, yeah, haven't you read the books? It only takes one time._

 

Then it's his voice again, angry and frustrated, _there's no way out of this. I'm not leaving the Brotherhood for... and I'm guessing-_

 

Your voice, sharp and cold, _no. I'm not leaving my people. Not for a one night stand that never meant anything._

 

A moment later you hear him clear his throat, stating rather than asking, _so you're getting rid of it._

 

_Don't worry, John_ , your voice bites, _I'll take care of it._

 

And you did. You took care of _it._ Been taking care of _it_ for 6 beautiful years and you wouldn't trade _it_ for the world.

 

Stupid fuck, indeed.

 

It takes some time to swallow the heavy lump inside your throat and gather up enough courage to look at her without giving away the pain you're feeling.

 

"No, honey, he doesn't," you lie, because sometimes a lie is the only thing you _can_ say.


	2. not done yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post X3 | _And for a moment all you want is to take another step and reach for him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **PROMPT:** 020 writer's choice

It's Friday night, around 10pm and to think of it, a week since that dreadful conversation you shared with your daughter about her father. Or her lack of one. A week since you kissed your daughter on the cheek, gave her a hug and told her to get in Bobby's car and read her new book... after which you punched Bobby in the chest and told him what a fucking moron he is. You're pretty sure you garnished the accusation with a few repeats of "You're a dead man, Drake" but that's beside the point.  
  
  
Bobby of course had no idea why you suddenly went mental on him and because of that, he simply stood there with mouth hanging open and stared at you in confusion.  
  
  
After a few minutes you were able to calm down and you told him if he ever again talked about John the way he had with Shelby in the house you'd castrate him and make Jubilee a widow. That was the moment he finally realized what was going on and tried to tell you he'd had no idea Shelby had been listening to the conversation and that he'd been so mad he hadn't been able to think straight.  
  
  
"Whatever," you said, "just don't do it again, okay? I don't care what you say about him, really I don't, but never again with her in the same house, get that?"  
  
  
And he did... because really, you don't need your power to scare a guy. Being a protective mother works just fine on that department.  
  
  
But it's all behind you now and Shelby seems to be fine... Though you wonder. She hasn't mentioned him all week, not even once and you're not sure whether that's a good sign or not. You, of all people know what a few strong, bottled up emotions can do to a person and that's the last thing you want for your kid.  
  
  
Her breathing is even and you know she's asleep. Has been for about 15 minutes already, but you haven't had the strength or the will to remove her from your side. You're leaning against the headboard, right arm around your child, supporting her small frame and petting her hair while the other one is still holding the book you were reading to her.  
  
  
You glance down and smile to yourself. It's the first Harry Potter book in your hand. Well, you figured magic was the best way to explain her new power to her... at least for now.  
  
  
She knows about the mutants, of course she does though she doesn't really understand what it's all about - or that she really is one of them despite the fact you have tried to explain it thousands of times.  
  
  
But yes, she knows that mutants do exist... the whole concept of Mutant Registration Law has been on the news ever since Liberty Island and it seems there's no end to it - never will be. There are always gonna be those in favor of it, those who'd rather stone to death everyone with special abilities and that's the one reason why you always feel distressed when Shelby isn't home with you. When she isn't _safe._  
  
  
She's safe now and that's all you care about. The arm around her is going numb but you don't care. You only lean closer and kiss the top of her head before placing the book on the nightstand and clicking off the lights.  
  
  
Then you close your eyes.  
  
  
It's a presence that wakes you up. A feeling of danger approaching increasing your heartbeat, making you shiver even through the sleep and your eyes snap open when the message reaches your mind.  
  
  
You notice the figure in the doorway right away, leaning against the frame with folded arms, staring.  
  
  
The room is dark, but the lit hallway behind his back casts a shadow on the floor in front of you. You can't make out his face but then again, his identity is about the last thing on your mind right now. Instead, you're trying to figure out if you can move fast enough and kill the guy with Harry Potter.  
  
  
"I just wanted to see her," a familiar voice speaks and your mind goes blank immediately.  
  
  
It takes a minute before you accept the fact it is not a dream.  
  
  
"John?" You breathe out, puzzled. What is he doing here? How did he get inside? Hell, it's _Pyro_ you remind yourself, he can do anything.  
  
  
"You owe me that much," he continues and the shock of hearing his voice makes you tremble. He's here. He really is here.  
  
  
After what seems like an eternity you finally force yourself to move. Slowly, careful not to wake Shelby up, you lay her on the bed and get up.  
  
  
You still can't see his face, but you're sure you're in for a fight... not that you didn't deserve it. It's just not something you'd like to admit to him.  
  
  
You swallow, breathe in and start walking hoping your knees won't collapse. He doesn't move from the doorway, but turns sideways to give you enough room to walk past him.  
  
  
Which is exactly what you do.  
  
  
You step into the hallway, back facing him and try to search for something to say. Anything to change the direction the situation is heading in. But nothing comes to mind.  
  
  
You can't even turn around, can't face him. Which one would actually hurt more? The anger or the indifference? You don't know... so you only listen how he rakes his fingers through his hair in frustration before softly pulling the door closed.  
  
  
It's a gesture that squeezes your heart.  
  
  
"She's grown up," he says and something flickering in his voice makes you turn around.  
  
  
He looks different. The hair is still blonde, he doesn't look much taller, perhaps a bit more muscular, but still, you sense something is different. You guess it's because he's older too.  
  
  
"It's been three years since you saw her, John," you respond, examining his features, "Kids tend to do that."  
  
  
His eyes harden as he raises his chin. A sign of discontent - that much you know of him.  
  
  
"Don't use that voice on me, Roguey." You weren't aware you had, but more than that, it's the way he said your nickname that surprises you. Roguey. He's the only one who ever calls you that. And the only one you let.  
  
  
"I'll use whatever voice I want," you retort, ignoring the fact you hadn't used a tone to begin with. It doesn't matter if you did.  
  
  
But then, you're caught off guard when he grabs your arm and you're dragged towards the stairs.  
  
  
"Hey!" You resist out of principle, trying to struggle free, "get off!"  
  
  
He doesn't look at you when he speaks, simply forces you down the stairs and towards your living room. "No, I'm not gonna fight with you outside her door," he says and the words melt away your resistance.  
  
  
You let him guide you to the living room, but still you can't help but mutter, "As if you care."  
  
  
His fingers leave your arm rather violently as he pushes you away, forcing you to grab the arm of the sofa to keep your balance. "Shut up," he tells you, eyes glaring and you're strangely happy you don't have the fireplace lit.  
  
  
Your body straightens up on its own. "No," you say and take a step closer to him, hands on your hips, "you don't get to break into my house and tell me to shut up."  
  
  
He sighs and this time when he speaks, he sounds less angry. "I just wanted to see her." Sad, almost. Drained.  
  
  
And for a moment all you want is to take another step and reach for him.  
  
  
But you don't, because whatever he is now, it's not your problem. It never has been. One drunken night and a child doesn't change anything between you two. He's still the guy who left the school and joined the enemy. Still the guy who's hurt you and your friends, killed and murdered.  
  
  
Just because you call him John in front of people doesn't change the fact he's still Pyro to you.  
  
  
Does it?  
  
  
"You could've rung the doorbell like normal people do," you say, ignoring the battle inside your head.  
  
  
John, as always, gives you a cynical look and your skin starts to crawl the way it always has when his eyes are on you.  
  
  
"It might've woken her up," he says rolling his shoulders, a wicked gleam appearing back in his eyes, "and besides, I'm not like normal people. You should know that."  
  
  
Yeah, and you do know that. It's kind of hard to forget... especially when you're reminded of it every day one way or another. She takes after him more ways than one, is all.  
  
  
"Fine," you return with a casual shrug of your own, trying to match his arrogance, "You saw her. Now go."  
  
  
But to your big surprise he shakes his head, saying, "No."  
  
  
It's a firm, decided _no_ and you know you could argue, and you will, but it still confuses the crap out of you. You don't understand, you don't understand any of it. Why is he here, really?  
  
  
Plus, you're getting angry. Every minute he stands there is another minute you're reminded of that day, of what happened.  
  
  
"Why not?" You ask bitterly and you hate the fact you sound like a scorned ex, "That's what you did last time."  
  
  
His eyes become cold and for a moment it looks as if he'll grab you all over again and throw you against the wall.  
  
  
"Oh give me a break," he snaps, grabbing your wrist and pulling you close. "What did you expect?" It's more like a hiss than a question and you look up to his eyes, nervous. You could swear you see the flames there, hot and burning.  
  
  
  
"It'd been three years since I last saw you, _Marie_ ," he speaks before you have time to say anything and his grip only tightens, "and then all of a sudden you're there in my face with Bobby and a fucking kid."  
  
  
Indeed. And then? "You tried to kill Bobby."  
  
  
His anger seems to pause momentarily and your arm is free. He's standing sideways again, not looking at you, but trying to cool down, get his emotions under control.  
  
  
"Okay, yeah," he says then, giving you a sideways glance, "I overreacted. Big deal."  
  
  
That he did, yes. Though you never quite understood why.  
  
  
"You tried to kill Bobby… not only in front of a lot of people," you remind him with a sour tone in case he's forgotten just how much he did overreact, "but in front of _my_ daughter."  
  
  
 _My_ being the operative word and he catches that easily.  
  
  
"Well," he says, the trademark smirk returning his lips, "I didn't know she was mine then. And she was asleep."  
  
  
You guess you deserved that one and so you look away, ashamed... But if he thinks the fact Shelby was asleep during his little attack is in any way working for his advantage he's gone completely mad.  
  
  
After a moment, you gather yourself and meet his eyes again. "But after I told you-"  
  
  
"Yes," he cuts you off, cold eyes on you, "after you yelled at me to let go of Bobby or you'd fucking kill me - right after you told me she's actually mine not his, _I_ turned around and _left._ I know what I did."  
  
  
Okay, yeah, maybe you didn't handle the situation that nicely either. But come on, he was strangling Bobby for no obvious reason and you thought telling him about Shelby was the only way to shake him off. And it did work.  
  
  
"Again, what the fuck did you expect me to do?" He demands, "You said you'd take care of it. You said you'd take care of it, Rogue."  
  
  
He sure as hell doesn't look pleased and if anything, he only looks more furious when you tell him the truth.  
  
  
"And I have!" you tell him angrily. Well, he can't deny that.  
  
  
Unexpectedly John laughs, hands coming up to rub his face. "Un-fucking-believable," he snorts, "that's rich. Really."  
  
  
Why the fuck is he standing there, laughing? Instantly you want nothing more but to wipe that damn smile from his lips. And you know just how to do it. "You said you wouldn't leave the Brotherhood for _us_."  
  
  
The laughter stops and he turns to look at you again. Ah yes, emotional crap laid on his shoulders has always worked on him.  
  
  
But surprisingly, John doesn't actually sound cold when he replies, just matter-of-fact. "There was no us."  
  
  
Which, you have to admit, is true. You were drunk, miserable and then met him in a bar and well, that's the simple prologue to your fairytale. "No, there wasn't... but that's not the point. You said you wouldn't leave the Brotherhood."  
  
  
He opens his arms in question, obviously not following. "So?"  
  
  
"So?" You spit the word - he really can't be dumb enough to ask you that question, can he? "You're the bad guy, John," you tell him as if it wasn't the most obvious thing in the whole damn world, "Did you think you could be in the Brotherhood and play Dad at the same time?" Seriously, get real.  
  
  
And well, "Would you even have wanted to?"  
  
  
He looks suddenly softer, almost human. "Maybe not," he says and you're actually glad he's being honest with you. You've had your fair share of lies and deception. "But I had the right to know."  
  
  
Yes, he did, you know that, but, "I can't change history." And you don't even know if you want to.  
  
  
A moment goes by in weirdly peaceful silence, but when it gets too much for you to handle, you break it with a question to which you really don't want an answer. "What are you doing here, honestly?"  
  
  
"I just wanted to see her, that's all," he says again and you feel something boil and bubble inside. Goddamnit, this isn't fair - you're so close to crying you can actually feel the hot tears behind your eyelids and you hate yourself for it. You have no reason to cry. You did the right thing. You protected your daughter from a monster. What else could you have done?  
  
  
But you refuse to give him your tears, or the apology he's after and so you say a quiet prayer in your head and tell him, "Well now you have. Can you please go?"  
  
  
"Yeah," he barks, startling you with both the word and the tone, "But don't think we're done here yet."  
  
  
And when you finally hear the front door slam behind him, you fall down on the couch beside you and try to breathe.


	3. the kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post X3 | _Whereas a moment ago you were only fantasizing about smashing the phone against his nose, now you actually act on it..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **PROMPT:** 043 entwined

Maybe you are a little too naive for your own good, whatever, but you actually were under the solid impression there's not a thing he could do that would still surprise you. Be it roses on your doorstep or a stone thrown through your bedroom window, you thought you've seen it all when it comes to him and his _grand_ gestures.  
  
  
The truth is you got neither of those and now you're kind of wishing you had. At least if it were roses or a rock you'd know what to do with it, but _this_ , you have no idea what to do with. The roses would obviously go into water or the trashcan, depending on your current mood at the time. Or into both, though the order is unknown; no one knows for sure how that one would go down and right now, it doesn't matter much anyway. The window, you imagine, would have to be fixed and the stone you'd keep hidden in some shoe box, top-shelf, behind the extra pillows and blankets. In other words, far away from Shelby's prying eyes and never-ending questions. But still, you'd keep it just to remind yourself that you can do better.   
  
  
He's an ass and you never wanted him anyway.   
  
  
The tension headache is there, hammering in the back of your head like a bad hangover and his eyes on you, the cold but yet burning stare, it doesn't help at all. There was a time when you would've shrunk under those eyes; would've looked away like a child in shame but those days are over and you're planning to make it known.  
  
  
You snort, letting him know you're anything but happy with him and the way things are going. Sarcastic, frustrated, cynical, pessimistic, discontent - take your pick. _Anything_ but happy, seriously.  
  
  
And it's - _of course_ \- all his fault. The accusation playing on your lips, demanding to be voiced; it makes you fold your arms in a manner meant to send him a clear message without you actually having to say it. This way you stand a chance. Now you can deny it, the whole message, if things get heated. With him they usually do, don't they, and Wolverine taught one always needs to have a backup plan, a way out.  
  
  
Instantly you feel the desire to look over your shoulder, to make sure the door, your one and only exit, is still there. But you don't look, because you don't want to give him the satisfaction of breaking the hostile stare. Plus, you're in enemy territory now - which, you figure, might not have been as smart a move as you thought it would be - and you are never ever supposed to take your eyes off the villain. You've seen the horror movies, okay?  
  
  
For some reason you want to be the one to speak first, yeah, but you're not sure what to say. Or how.  
  
  
Other than blame him loudly, that is, but you doubt it gets you anywhere. Sure, the reason it's his fault and not yours is logical to you, but he certainly won't see it the same way - and that's not why you're here anyway. You're here simply to tell him to fuck off, right?  
  
  
Seriously though, how could you have known? The shock of seeing him there, in your home, standing in your living-room, it's making your memories a little hazy, fine, but you have no difficulties whatsoever recalling his last words to the damn dot.   
  
  
He'd said _don't think we're done here yet_ and trying his best to make it sound like a poisonous threat, but really, in your ears it was more like a promise.  
  
  
That should say it all. That's _why_ it's his fault.  
  
  
Because at the end of the day, _Pyro,_ John, whoever the hell he wants to be for the time being - you don't ask because you don't care -, he's always been good with threats. They're his second nature and always kept, but his promises, as far as you can tell, are always empty.  
  
  
So when the two _delightful_ fellows, looking more or less like some PCH bikers gone over the edge with the all-covering tattoos and piercings, start popping up at every corner and window you stop to look at, you are (as noted), not happy.  
  
  
Truth be told, it actually starts with Shelby telling you how she thinks she saw some funny looking dudes - her words, not yours - watching her while she played in the park. At the time you waved it off. _I'm sure it's just your imagination, sweetie_ and she shrugged saying maybe it is, _whatever, Mom._   
  
  
You worry for a few days, but when she doesn't mention the dudes again you kind of forget all about it.  
  
  
But then you, being the sensible adult and all, start sensing them around -constantly- and though you try not to show it, it really does freak you out. It's when your spine crawls as if your spider senses were telling you something's not quite right that you know they're there again, somewhere. A quick glance on the surface of the nearest window and you can almost swear you saw their reflections lurking behind your back.   
  
  
Still, at first you insist blaming your daughter's imagination and her undying love for Tobey Maguire. Honestly, no woman can be forced to watch _that_ damn movie ten times a week without it leading to some sort of mental damage (paranoia, in this case) and that, you reason, is what this is all about.  
  
  
Yeah, that's what you thought. Up until the day you were almost hit by a car, one driving straight at you and your daughter while you were crossing a busy street. Then, the next minute, you heard a smooth _woosh_ and the world turned up-side down for a moment. You closed your eyes as the cold breeze hit your face violently, brought tears, and when you opened your eyelids again - somehow, you don't know how - you found wide-eyed Shelby in your arms, safe and secure.   
  
  
It took another minute before you registered she was not the only one being held. You were in someone's arms too, far away from the dangerous scene and you blinked, drawing Shelby closer to your chest. Then you realized, with a kind of weird relief, that you were face to face with the same guy - one of them, anyway - you thought you'd seen around.  
  
  
You remember thinking, _fucking hell, a mutant_ and well, that's when it all started to make sense. _Please,_ even a kid could've done that equation.   
  
  
You were dropped on your feet rather softly and you in turn set your child on the ground, behind your back. Then you made your move.  
  
  
After doing the unthinkable; slapping your tattooed savior instead of thanking him for saving your life - and your daughter's --, you demand some answers and he gives them, though not that cheerfully.   
  
  
He told you, _you might wanna take this to the boss_ and you frowned, asking out loud what the hell would Magneto want from you?  
  
  
A smile spread on his face and he chuckled, shaking his head as if you'd just come up with the joke of the day and it annoyed you. _Lady,_ he started, still chuckling, _aren't you forgetting something?_  
  
  
With hands behind your back, holding Shelby in place, you're about say, what, what do you mean, but you don't get that far. Because you did forget something. _Oh, right,_ you said, _right._  
  
  
How the hell did you forget that? Maybe because he, Magneto, is about the last person on Earth you like to think about... but you, like everyone else, do know he isn't the boss anymore.   
  
  
You didn't know who was, but for what it's worth, you did -and do- have a one good guess.   
  
  
Finally, for the first time you can think of, John gives in right in front of you. First you hear a deep, annoyed sigh, which makes you focus your stare again and then you hear it, the actual question.  
  
  
"You do realise," he drawls with a cynical face, leaning back against the soft looking armchair, "you've stood there for 20 minutes without saying anything, right?"   
  
  
Yeah, you do realise that, though you're thinking no one could blame you if you didn't. _Anyone_ would still be a little shocked and dumbfounded. Because yeah, you - like any other person who's known him for as long as you have - are finding it really damn hard to believe that John Allerdyce has an office. A real office, the kind that isn't hidden in the woods, built underground, but is located in an actual skyscraper in the middle of San Francisco. And the fact it's as neat and official as this one, well, that's just another surprise to add to the fast growing pile of unexpected.   
  
  
"Yes," you answer, trying to keep your tone as cold as possible though you're trembling inside. From anger, from fear, from everything. You're not gonna let him do this. He, you think, can go to hell and stay there for the rest of his pathetic days.  
  
  
"Well," he barks back, "fucking stop it. I have things to do."  
  
  
He's got the office of a businessman, you give him that, but the attitude is still that of a spoiled brat. Some things don't change and though you probably should be glad, you're not. Maybe because you'd kind of wished this one would.  
  
  
"You fucking stop it," you return with a snap and take a dangerous step closer, "you had absolutely no right to send those damn gorillas after me!"  
  
  
The bored look disappears and as always, the smug smirk returns to its throne. "They weren't after you, Roguey," he points out and you can't help but imagine grabbing the nearest thing - oh, look, a phone - and slapping him around with it, "They were just keeping an eye on the kid."  
  
  
All you have to do is remain calm. Stay cool. Ignore his baits, state your business. Professional, unaffected.   
  
  
Still, you tell him, "the kid's name is Shelby", because you hate the fact he refuses to call her by her given name. It's always that girl or the kid or something else as impersonal as that. You figure the main reason he's lowering her to the status of a _thing_ is just to annoy you and you shouldn't let it bother yourself. However, like most things in life, it's easier said than done.   
  
  
"Only 'cause of you," he shrugs and you fucking hate it how you're tempted to defend yourself. And, what's worse, to ask - ask what name he would've preferred if you'd given him a choice. It shouldn't matter to you now. Not when it didn't even matter _then._  
  
  
The fact that _that_ for sure was your own fault, you coldly ignore.  
  
  
"Whatever, John," you force out tonelessly, exhale and keep going because you're half sure a pause would break your float and the train of thought, "Anyway. Believe it or not, we don't need you. I've taken care of her for quite a few years here in case you didn't get that and I think I've done fine so thank you, but no thank you. We don't need your men ogling us, okay?" There, it's almost said, good.   
  
  
"Just..." you lick your bottom lip pensively while trying to decide how to put it, "just leave us alone." Please. It almost slips out, but you manage to bite your tongue in time. Thank the higher powers.  
  
  
Your silent 'thank you's are forgotten when you sense a slight change in his stare though he doesn't even move. But you feel it anyway - there's something overtly challenging about the way he's looking at you, isn't there? "If I thought that, I wouldn't have sent them, you know," he says and you hold your breath, hoping he's not gonna go where you think he is, "You think you can take care of her, but really, you've just been _lucky_ , that's all."  
  
  
You want to scream at him, tell him to shut his fucking cakehole all the while you contemplate - again - on grabbing the phone, but his icy tone keeps you frozen.   
  
  
You almost feel guilty and it hurts. Because he's wrong and you damn well know it.  
  
  
"I've seen how you are with her," he continues, ignoring but most certainly enjoying the pained expression on your face, "You let her run around in the park with some kids she's never met before. You take your book and you read," he spits the words out through half gritted teeth, making you think of a hissing snake.   
  
  
He is furious at you. That fucking prick! What right does he have to judge you?   
  
  
And why the fuck is the guilt in the pit of your stomach only expanding? There should be no guilt at all, damnit!  
  
  
"You fucking _read,_ Rogue," he stresses, "and while you get lost in that fantasy world of yours where everything is so perfect and shiny, anyone could come up and grab her."  
  
  
For a moment you simply gape at him, astonished. The nerve of this asshole!   
  
  
You must really have offended him somehow when he was still at the school because you don't think he'd have gone this far if you hadn't. All this to hurt you? He seduced you - it was him, naturally, because you were drunk and out of it and he _used_ you. And as if that wasn't painful enough, when he finally did find out about her, he ran away.  
  
  
What the hell is driving him forward, you wonder. Was he trying to get back at Bobby through you? Was he trying to hurt him or you?  
  
  
Maybe you should've told him to go after Jubilee. Since she's Bobby's wife and all. Would've saved you from hell... only, the down side is, you wouldn't have her.  
  
  
So really, it's kind of hard to regret.  
  
  
"Oh," you snort tossing your hair over your shoulder and let out an arrogant laugh, "so _now_ you care about us?"  
  
  
The smile on his face, you swear it goes from evil to satanic under a nanosecond. "No," he replies, shaking his head with the kind of smile you'd gladly punch in, "I _take_ care of me and mine."   
  
  
Ah, of course, to him there's a difference.  
  
  
"She's mine," he finishes. Yep, there's the implication you expected to hear. You get what he's saying, you do. He might have slept with you once, but it doesn't change the way he sees you now. In his eyes you're still the vermin you turned into the day you decided to give up on your most precious _gift_ and he, then again, is the king of the world.  
  
  
Perhaps he really _is_ the new leader of the Brotherhood, you don't know. It would certainly explain his forever-growing ego.  
  
  
"I wouldn't have bothered if you could actually handle her," John says, snapping you out of it again and the funniest thing is he actually sounds like he'd have a clue, which he doesn't, "It's not my fault you suck as a mother."  
  
  
Right. You were supposed to stay calm, yes, and cool and _unaffected._ Yes, you were indeed supposed to ignore his baits all together and let him have his insults.   
  
  
Of course, reality - that bitch - has the habit of stepping in the way of your plans. Because somehow that simple sentence of his, said with the kind of loathing and condescension you can _not_ take, it's the last straw.  
  
  
Whereas a moment ago you were only fantasizing about smashing the fancy table phone against its owner's nose, now you actually act on it.  
  
  
You grab the phone on his desk without thinking it further and send it flying to his direction... but you aren't fast enough or then he simply saw it coming. He manages to lean to one side, efficiently getting out of the target line and the phone hits the wall behind him.   
  
  
He smirks at you with laughing eyes and stands up - and all you can think of is, _what else to throw, what else to throw, what else to throw,_ but because you don't dare to glance around, you come up with no answer.  
  
  
If you didn't have your keys in your purse with all the other important belongings, you'd consider giving it a try. Whatever, you don't have it on you anyway - it's lying on the chair next to you and being the cocky son of a bitch he is, he'd figure your plan out if you bent down to pick it. So, there goes that one.  
  
  
You expect him to throw a tantrum, jump you, slap you, whatever. You do not, however, expect John to walk around the desk all calm and smirking as if you hadn't just tried to assault him. Well, he's most likely gotten used to the violent kind of reactions anyway, so.  
  
  
But even then, this seems wrong somehow, surreal and so unlike him. That is probably why you're still expecting him to grab you and as much as you'd want to take a step back now, run and flee to Mexico with Shelby and never come back, you don't move an inch. You swallow, hard, breathe, and blink a few times, yeah, but that's about it.  
  
  
Apparently _some_ things do change and you ain't complaining - a slap on the face really wasn't in your agenda for today anyway. Well, not on _your_ face.  
  
  
He's leaning against his desk now, way too close to you because his leg is brushing against yours. He's doing it on purpose, trying to shake you up.   
  
  
The cocky smirk has morphed into one damn alluring smile and you have the weirdest - _yuckiest_ feeling of a déjà vu. The memory flashes in front of your eyes and you almost grunt out loud. Yeah, you've seen that smile, alright.  
  
  
"You don't like it," he speaks then, so softly that first you have no idea what he means by it, "I know that, but hey, truth hurts."  
  
  
Then you, well, snap. That's all there is to it. You snap.  
  
  
You don't even feel the movement, but all the sudden you're there, in his face, hitting and punching, clawing and screaming and pushing him backwards. He grabs your arms, trying to keep his balance and get you off, but you're too high on adrenaline and rage.   
  
  
What you're trying to accomplish with that little stunt, you don't know and don't really care either. All you _do_ know is that the fucking smirk glued to his lips has to come off even if you have to beat it out of him.  
  
  
Which is quite accurately describing the scene between you two.  
  
  
You manage to nail him in the nose with a strong punch of some kind and enjoy hearing his sudden inhalation and the snarl of pain. He doesn't shriek, of course not, but the snarl works for you quite nicely too, so you don't complain. Your fingernails leave a scratch on his cheek and you hit him so hard in the chest, or somewhere near, that your fingers actually hurt afterwards.  
  
  
It's over way too quickly, though, when he recovers from the shock and is finally capable of pushing you away. Only, he doesn't push. He pulls.  
  
  
And then, all the sudden, you're the one breathing in sharply, the one on the table and he's pinning your arms down, face hovering dangerously above yours. You'd kick him, or knee him, one way or another, if he didn't have your legs captured against the desk in rather suspicious position.  
  
  
Not good.   
  
  
"You're fucking unstable, too," he growls, hot breath brushing your face, tingling, and you can't believe how familiar he smells - or the fact your stomach tightens. Maybe, you put together, you should get laid more often or something because hell, this is kind of ridiculous.  
  
  
"Go tell that to a judge, fucker," you cry out, shielding your thoughts from him by attempting to push him off with all your might and every inch of your body. To your misfortunate, the damn mutant stands his ground like you were nothing but a little bug trying to roll over a stone - and the smirk doesn't fade away, either. Assholes, you decide, both of them! The boy (not a man; _never_ a man) _and_ the damned smile.  
  
  
He doesn't say anything back, not at first and it puzzles you a little. The way he's only observing your face with a tilted head and then, believe or not, he actually _frowns._ You enjoy seeing how his eyes darken with nearly unnoticeable surprise. Usually you never know what's going on inside his head, but this time _you_ notice it. He's just as puzzled as you are.   
  
  
And you love it.  
  
  
"You're not afraid," he states bluntly, taking you off guard because you didn't expect him to say _that_ and then, out of blue you're flying across the air and onto the floor. Only, before you hit the hard floor, you smack against one of the two chairs in front of his desk. Then, and only then, you fall painfully on your knees and _shriek_ like a little girl. Shit.  
  
  
It hurts - a lot - but you try and rise above and beyond, try to ignore every trace of the pain because that is the only thing you can think of to lessen his victory.   
  
  
"What a way to let a girl go, John," you sigh tiredly, brushing the hair off your face and use the armchair behind you to prop yourself up as if nothing happened. Guess it's a theme today between you two. He's settled against the desk again and if his face didn't look like that, bloody nose and long red scratches on his other cheek, you wouldn't even believe what happened a moment ago.  
  
  
But it did and hey, the smirk is _finally_ gone. If you were Hermione Granger, you'd totally deserve 50 house points right about now for your courage or something. _Take that, slytherin._  
  
  
And with that thought it actually occurs to you. He was right - you aren't afraid.   
  
  
Somewhere in the middle of all this, this crap and bullshit he's making you go through, you stopped fearing him. How'd that happen?   
  
  
"What is your freakin' problem?" John questions, seemingly irate and holy shit - you can't believe he's even asking that. How in the world does he not get it? That was a rhetorical question, right?  
  
  
"And here I thought I was making it very damn clear," you answer anyway, with as much sarcasm and venom as you can stick into it, "You, John, _you_ are my freakin' problem."  
  
  
Still no sign of that annoying smirk and for a brief second you pat yourself on the back, savoring the moment. After that's done, you get over it. It might be his face that makes you forget to be proud because he looks... weird.   
  
  
Then his mouth opens and you can see his lips moving, but the words simply do not register.   
  
  
_I was just making sure she's safe._  
  
  
Maybe his words don't want to register because somehow, they sound sincere and _that_ can't be. Frankly, he even looks sincere and that _definitely_ cannot be.   
  
  
You refuse to believe he'd actually care - obviously it's nothing but another way to get under your skin.  
  
  
Because, "No, actually," you protest with a sour glare, "you were _just_ making sure she's safe because apparently, I'm such a horrible mother I can't take care of my own child."   
  
  
His eyebrows quirk in poorly hidden amusement, and there, in the corner of his mouth, there it is again - the damn smirk, lurking as he speaks, "Is there a point there somewhere?"  
  
  
"Stay away from us," you state without hesitations. That's all.   
  
  
But apparently he's decided to make it as difficult for you as possible. What does he want? You to beg? And you know, you would do that - _beg_ \- if you knew it'd get him off your back. But honestly, what are the odds of that happening? Like ever?  
  
  
"No," he puts back, once again shaking his head and its cap of blond curls. "The way I see it, we've got two options."  
  
  
Two? Well, that could almost be called something like _progress_ because it sure as hell is one more option than you would've guessed... You would've thought there's only one option - _his_ and his only.  
  
  
"I kill you or you kill me?" you quip defiantly and draw a smirk from him. Only this one isn't a smirk, really, but something that could almost be described as a genuine smile and it sends shivers through-out your whole body.   
  
  
_Pathetic,_ much?  
  
  
"Tempting," John chuckles, once, before continuing and you hope to God he doesn't know what's going on inside you - physically, that is, "But no. Either I take her or _you_ accept my help."  
  
  
That's when you come to the conclusion that maybe, perhaps, you should've waited with the phone assault. Because this moment, right here, _this_ is when you should've clawed his eyes out. And considering the rage building up inside, you could've even won this time.  
  
  
But you don't do anything, because you recognize a threat when you hear it and _that_ most certainly was a threat, not a promise, and suddenly you're a little scared again.  
  
  
Not that you'd let him see that. "No way in hell, John," you return making it sound like it's a done deal already - like he'd have no say on it, at all. It makes you feel better, a little, though you know better than that. You're both probably thinking the same thing anyway.   
  
  
He could and he would and that's that. Unless you take him up and play this stupid game of his. You don't know what it's about, not really, or what's at stake here, but you _know_ it's nothing but a little mind game to him.   
  
  
"Then we have a conflict," he points out, sucking his bottom lip and you try not to focus on _that,_ "and I don't like 'em that much."  
  
  
Yeah, well, you don't like stray cats either, but somehow they always find their way into your little cozy backyard and into Shelby's sand box. Tough shit, lover.  
  
  
"Boo hoo," you drawl, irritated. Maybe it's the delicate combination of rage and frustration that's making you act and sound so _bold,_ you don't know, don't care, but you do love the way it makes you feel. _Stronger._  
  
  
It also makes you want to ask - though you're smart enough not to actually say it aloud - if this is going anywhere or really, are you gonna be forced to spend an eternity in his office exchanging insults because if yes, then he's gonna be the one paying for the babysitter.  
  
  
Hell, it actually isn't such a bad idea and you make a mental note to work on it. After all, cash doesn't grow on trees and you're all too familiar with that fact. At least not on the trees you've seen around.  
  
  
You find it refreshing that he's tense again - it means he isn't enjoying himself anymore and you take comfort in knowing that. Plus, the smirk's gone into hiding somewhere for which you're also pretty damn grateful.   
  
  
So grateful that it actually makes you smile. Widely. For the first time during this _conversation,_ argument, battle of wills, _whatever,_ you smile without having to fake it. No, you smirk. Like he'd smirk if it was him cornering you and he notices it right away. It takes one to know one.  
  
  
"Don't fuck with me, Roguey," he snarls, trying to turn the tables on you, but you're too far away now and he can't reach you.  
  
  
15 minutes ago you would've taken that comment of his badly. Now you're simply laughing inside. No pun intended, John?   
  
  
Now you get it; why others' desperation is always so funny to him.   
  
  
"You should've said that 6 years ago," you say sweetly, a smile on your lips through the whole sentence and you think you're high, "you little piece of shit."  
  
  
His anger has faded away too and there's only amusement left. "Nice one," he laughs and weirdly, you agree with him. _That's a first,_ you note, but it's not like you can deny it - you are getting the hang of this, though why he doesn't seem bothered by it, that you don't get...   
  
  
"Fine," you sigh with a shrug - and a plan, "Okay, have it your way. If you want to protect her, then do it," you tell him with mocking tone, "By all means, protect her."  
  
  
He looks pensive, as if he wasn't quite sure whether you mean it or not and he's not exactly alone with that thought. You don't know either, it just sort of came out on its own and now you're gonna have to stand behind it.   
  
  
All you know is that you want to mean it and that settles it.  
  
  
"But I swear to God, John," you go on, "if you don't send guys that actually blend in instead of giving my daughter nightmares, I'll come back with Wolverine and have him dice you like the meat you are."  
  
  
To that he snorts and rolls his eyes much like you expected him to. Well, you had to say something and you imagine threatening him with your right hook wouldn't have done the trick. The one you picked didn't either, but you had to choose from two evils.  
  
  
"Right," he rivals cynically, crossing his arms onto his chest, "'cause we all know how fucking scared I am of dear Wolvie."  
  
  
Maybe not, but, "You should be." You even mean it. A little.  
  
  
You guess you're tiring him out because without any warning at all, he suddenly sighs and rubs his face - it strikes you odd, the way he's letting his guard down, but you let it go.  
  
  
"Okay, enough," he says then, arms going back to the folded posture while his gaze finds yours. You stay silent but only because he's got this odd look in his eyes and suddenly you're a little confused again.  
  
  
"So you accept my help?" He asks and you're almost too tempted to throw it back at his face. His normal tone, that is, not the actual offer - because he's Pyro for fuck's sake and now it seems to you as if he was _asking_ your permission instead of telling how it'll be. Call you crazy but somehow it doesn't fit the profile and you'd have so much fun pointing it out to him.  
  
  
But you let that one go, too. "Help?" You repeat his word, tasting it and deciding it doesn't quite taste right, "If you can call it that, then yeah, fine, I accept it."  
  
  
John stares at you with an openly contemplative look on his face, one eyebrow quirked up into an unvoiced question.   
  
  
You choose to ignore the question, whatever it is, and tell him, "I'll take your stupid gorillas and, in addition, I'll take your money."  
  
  
That earns you an actual reaction - a question spoken aloud. "You'll take my money?" He says and though you know it's supposed to be a question, at least you think so, it doesn't really sound like one. It feels more like he'd already known what you were gonna say and been completely fine with that. You frown, but only inside.  
  
  
"Well," you begin though you have no idea how to put it, "the Brotherhood seems to be doing well. I have no fucking clue how or why or if this thing you're doing here is even legal or if it's you who's doing it, but you know, I don't care."   
  
  
In the end your safest bet is to go with the truth and that's what you do.  
  
  
"I have a kid to feed and rent to pay and if you're insisting on _helping,_ then do it properly."  
  
  
He only nods, saying, "fine," and behind the facade you're more than a little surprised.  
  
  
"Okay," you clear your throat, once again wiping the hair off your cheek because you have to do something and that's the only thing you can do without acting suspicious, "So we're good now."  
  
  
No, you'll never be good, things can never be good with you two, but it's simply an expression.  
  
  
He smiles, but it's not the genuine, almost warm smile you received earlier, but kind of ice cold and sneering. "Not really," he says, "but we'll get there. I'll make the arrangements."  
  
  
There's a whole lot of things you never thought you'd hear him say and now you realise _I'll make the arrangements_ falls within that category perfectly because it feels like it was someone else saying the words. That sounded too official to come out of his mouth. Too mature.  
  
  
Now it's time to end this. You won your battle and you don't want to face another one right away.  
  
  
So you say, "you do that," and grab your purse just to underline the fact you indeed are done with this thing. "Now, excuse me, I promised the babysitter I'd be home soon."  
  
  
He rotates his shoulders - to ease the tensed muscles, no doubt and says, "Oh, about that-"   
  
  
And as scary as it is, he doesn't have to finish the sentence because you're way ahead of him, "Of course you do," you interrupt him with completely conversational and normal tone, but neither of you seem too surprised by it, "Yes, I know, you want her to have a decent babysitter. A _mutant_ in other words."  
  
  
"Yep," he says, a victorious grin on his lips.  
  
  
You, on the other hand, are way too past _that_ and only later you start to question it - the way his smile deepens even further when you tell him, "Whatever. Find her one, then. Go ahead and invade our life, see if I care. As long as you don't show your face to her - unless you intend to make it a habit."  
  
  
And all that you say with that _normal_ tone of yours. Almost as if this freak show taking place could even be compared to a real conversation.  
  
  
"Don't worry," he tells you (funny how it doesn't stop you from worrying) playfully, "I don't."  
  
  
"Good." Now you adjust the purse's position on your side and on your shoulder and say with a tired smile, "Goodbye John, have a _fantastic_ life ruining mine."  
  
  
You don't wait for the reply you know you'll get, but turn around instead and start walking towards the door - just for effect.   
  
  
No, of course he can't let you walk away with the last word and when your fingers wrap around the handle and you open the door, that's when you hear him mutter, "Oh, count on that one - see you around, Roguey."   
  
  
You choose to ignore it and only slam the door shut behind you.  
  
  
Whatever, _Pyro._


End file.
